Shop More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconsmith4891: More from smith4891


Featured in Collections

Powerful Writing by RogueTeamplayer

Remarkable Writing by KayBit

Literature by jedl93


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
July 20
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,786 (2 today)
Favourites
119 (who?)
Comments
57

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 License.
×
Her eyes return my gaze,
A gentle “Hello” at first glance.
Those chocolate brown coloured eyes,
So full of love and compassion.



                                                           Without a sound from my lips,
                                                                 A solitary cry escapes.
                                                           Her serene marble-like stare,
                                                            Peers straight into my soul.



I linger for that feeling once more,
Just before she flutters with a blink.
The brown sheen covers me wholly,
Softer than silk upon my skin.
This is a poem that I wrote yesterday, and I am dedicating it to :iconsophie-art:.

Oh my, this was such a pleasant surprise to wake up to this morning. I can't thank everyone enough to be even considered for a Daily Deviation, and now I feel so honored to have received one. :happybounce::squee::happybounce::squee::happybounce::squee:
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2014-08-27
Suggester says, "What captivated me about this piece is how the author managed to describe something that happened in an instant, with such passion and intensity, that's worth a lifetime"

Short Poem by smith4891 ( Suggested by TheGalleryOfEve and Featured by GrimFace242 )
Hidden by Owner
:iconandanteecho:
AndanteEcho Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2014  Student Writer
If by Sub-par, you mean not fancy, you are right. However, I find this poem striking in its simplicity. You don't have to use lots of big words to convey the feeling of a moment in time. I like it!
Reply
:iconloghaincarvo:
LoghainCarvo Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2014  Professional General Artist
What you see as simplicity, I see as laziness, lack of will-power and artistic flow. And big words? Sub-par is not a large word, it is six letters. If you want to endorse this mediocrity, fine. I will, and cannot stop you. I's comments are just a premier artist's opinion. Simple as that.
Reply
:iconandanteecho:
AndanteEcho Featured By Owner Aug 28, 2014  Student Writer
I never said I loved it, but I can appreciate, and I think it is rather good for a beginner poet, which he clearly is. I may not totally agree with the DD, but I can see why people like the poem. I would suggest that smith4891 edit this poem as he becomes a more experienced poet, because I agree that it could be better. I know that you are just trying to be honest, and I know from experience that constructive criticism is always appreciated. I guess I just felt the need to say something positive (I can be a little weird like that).  
Reply
:iconsmith4891:
smith4891 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for commenting here, and when I gain more experience, I may very well edit this, and a few others as I see where things can be better visually enhanced and appropriately worded. :)
Reply
:iconandanteecho:
AndanteEcho Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014  Student Writer
Your welcome! Also, I'm pretty sure that the guy who originally commented, LoghainCarvo, has a joke account, so I wouldn't take his comments seriously. I'm a little ashamed that I did before seeing his gallery. 
Reply
:iconsmith4891:
smith4891 Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, I guess. :XD:  Thanks for the kind words though. I will get better, I promise! =P
Reply
Hidden by Commenter
Hidden by Owner
Hidden by Commenter
Add a Comment: